When HE Said Live

[Kacie Jones]

Hello everyone, sorry I've been away for a while.

The holidays really took their toll on me. Christmas was miserable. Everyone acted as if they didn't know what to say to me. They had such sad faces when they talked to me and never looked me in my eyes. They were sure not to mention the twins whenever I was around but fact of it is and what I can't get people to understand is that I love talking about them no matter how much it hurts. They are the light of my life. I'd walk into rooms and the conversation would just cease and I was doted on. I've always been independent and this really bothered me. Everyone would ask what I needed and barely let me on my feet. I felt like an invalid which was a bit irritating. I know everyone meant well and I love them for it but it was more stressful being treated thus.

Even though I put on a brave smile as I always do, I felt myself dying a bit inside everyday from Thanksgiving til New Year. I could feel my own decline and I knew it was happening but I just could not stop it. I felt my world slowly coming to an end. I didn't dress nice as I usually do, I didn't bother with my hair or make up, or even make an effort. I smiled for everyone and talked but I was in serious trouble. I barely slept, when I did I had nightmares more frequently than normal. No one really saw my decline, except for one main person, Tony. He knew when I ate, when I slept, when I smiled, but most of all he knew when I didn't do these things. He knew about my empty smiles.

Christmas morning was tough for both of us. We got up, dressed warm and went to the cemetery. I took Gage and Seth their gifts, un wrapped them for them, and placed them on their grave. Tony took pictures for me. I was just lost, in a daze. There were tears and heartache. I felt the void Seth and Gage left more than ever.

The Thursday after Christmas, it affected my work. My customers knew I wasn't animated as usual and I wasn't quite myself. They inquired about my health. Once again, there was the fake smiled and, "Of course, I'm fine."

The first Sunday of 2008, I was on my way to work, basically having church in my car as I always do. That's time for me and God. I'd just come from visiting my babies. I was listening to my favorite Christian station. They interviewed a young lady from Waynesboro, Mississippi, close to where I live. Her name was Annie McRae. She'd written this song when she was at the lowest part in her life (where I felt I was, or very close to). The first verse reminds me of myself and the second verse reminds me of my twins and how they died in a harsh and cruel world. The song was, "When HE Said Live."

This song spoke to my heart as if God was speaking directly to me through Annie. I felt a touch in my heart. I've felt God before. I've felt Him touch me and speak to me, but this was entirely different. I felt as if I were in the arms of my Father, wrapped in light and love and I felt as if I saw His Face. I knew then what God wanted me to do. He told me to live.

Here are the lyrics, I encourage you to listen to this song. I've added it to my page. You can download it from http://myspace.com/tkandmcrae

When He Said Live lyrics and music by Annie McRae

When I was wounded
Lying on the ground
In the blood of my transgressions
No hope of ever being found
The Lord passed by
Saw me about to die
With compassion in his voice he spoke
And I had to rise

When he said live
I had to breathe
When he said dance
I felt heaven’s melody
When he said sing
I heard redemption’s song
And He gave me the faith to carry on
When he said live

When you were dying
Lying all alone
Beaten and battered
From a harsh cruel world
The Lord passed by
With love in His eyes
He had mercy and forgiveness
And his word couldn’t be denied

When He says live You have to breathe
When he says dance
You feel heaven’s melody
When he says sing
You hear redemption’s song
And He gives you faith to carry on
When He says live

Oh my soul cried out for life And the Savior heard
Yeah He found me and saved me
With just one word

I feel now that I can live and that I will ...

[JoBeth]

Hi honey,
forgive me for replying so late.. My heart has not really been here lately. I too have lost some loved ones and having a hard time working through it...
I want you to know that I am happy you feel comfortable to share yourself here and that you entrust us with your friendship... BTW I love that song too. I would like to add it to my music... Very beautiful. Hugs my sweet friend.

[Deb]

Kacie...this is a beautiful song, thanks for sharing it. You know the Lord presents all of us with trials...some seem unimaginable and impossible but know HE is with us always... I'm sure the holidays were incredibly hard... I simply can not begin to imagine how hard...

Know you are loved, you are strong, you are special...And God will carry you, comfort you and strengthen you...every step of the way...*hugz*